Are You 'Should-ing' All Over Your Career?

I’d be a very rich woman if I had a dollar for every time I heard someone lament:

“I should take the job. It’s the responsible thing to do.”

“I should stay with what’s safe. Starting a business is too risky.”

“I should hold out for a better job. I deserve to have companies fight over me.”

What a powerful, limiting and sometimes hurtful word “should” has become! For many professionals, “shoulds” are limiting opportunities, relationships, choices, confidence and careers. We impose self-limiting language and beliefs over our abilities (“I should be able to play golf because I’ve taken lessons!”), our choices (“Recruiters should be looking for me, why should I have to search them out?”), our relationships (“I should be happy in my relationship. I married the ‘perfect’ man.”) and our future (“It could be worse. I should be happy.”).

When I hear negative self-talk creep into my own narrative, I remind myself:

I can control the tapes that play in my head

There is not, in fact, a little person in my brain or on my shoulder reciting this negative self-talk to me. I have the choice to let myself be limited by the beliefs I accept about my choices, opportunities and where I want to take my life and career. I can choose what I should do or I can do what I believe is in my best interest, based on my values, situation and goals.

I can evaluate my opportunities through a new filter

I choose to make decisions based on criteria that allows me to represent myself with dignity, integrity and authenticity. These filters empower me to make clear and focused choices and build my personal brand.

What someone told me I should do is outdated, wrong or misguided

I still have tapes that play of things my father told me when coaching me on college entrance interviews. That information is hardly relevant for me today, many years and experiences later.

A colleague says, “I still hear the voice of my boss who said, ‘Youshould be quiet in meetings. No one wants to hear a woman babble.’ To this day, I'm hesitant to speak up in meetings.”

A Navy veteran I worked with shared, “I am a decorated SEAL. I shoulddo something important after I leave the military. I can’t just go and start my own consulting company, which is what I’d love to do.”

I might be should-ing on my career success

Should often gets mixed into our definition of success. When I started LIDA360, I had a big question. Did I want to build a company that defines achievement and impact the way I’d learned success shouldlook – money, power, status, and “things” – or could I redefine my success to be more about personal fulfillment, having a positive and meaningful influence on others and living my purpose? 

Who wrote the book on what your career should look like: your coach, mentor, parent, professor, sibling, spouse or commanding officer? That's giving them power over your future when they don’t walk in your shoes. Instead, make choices based on what you believe you can do and want to do. 

Here are questions to ask yourself when should creeps in:

• Am I making choices because I believe they are in my best interest given my situation, values,and goals?
• Am I sabotaging my future because of mistakes not learned in the past?
• Am I representing myself with integrity and authenticity?
• What  would happen if I ignore the shoulds?
• Is my self-talk hurting me and my career?
• How do I want to be remembered? My ultimate reputation and legacy is the story I am writing today. Taking control over that legacy means I take full responsibility for my actions and behavior.

For me, leaving corporate America in 2008 was a direct refusal to accept all the “shoulds” in my life and commit to what what I believed is right for me. As entrepreneurs, I’m sure many of you will agree that often what you should do is follow your passion, vision and heart.

From Entrepreneur

6 Quotes to Power You Through a Professional Slump

In the professional pit of despair? Don't stress - this too shall pass (and these quotes will help).

Career slumps.

We've all been there. No matter how much we might love our jobs, or how great we might be at them, we all experience periods of professional dissatisfaction where we seem to be continually runningthe gauntlet of negative, unproductive emotions. Sometimes this happens because we've exhausted all our energy finishing up a big project; sometimes it's connected with parallel events going on in our personal lives; and sometimes, well, there doesn't seem to be any particular reason for our loss of enthusiasm and interest in our daily tasks.

Are you in a slump right now? Here are six great quotes to help you get through it and back on to a positive, productive path--no matter what you might be feeling.

Frustrated

"Frustration is the first step towards improvement...It's only when I face frustration and use it to fuel my dedication that I feel myself moving forwards."--John Bingham

Frustration is tricky. At first, it just makes you want to bang your head against your desk or possibly snap some pencils in half. But if you learn how to really listen to your frustration, it can clue you in onthe source of your unhappiness--and what you really want. Try to figure out if your frustration has a defined reason and end date (e.g. an onerous and ongoing task will come to a close at a particular time) or if it's rooted in other, more difficult problems to solve. We come to know ourselves better by paying careful attention to how we behave when faced with difficulties or obstacles, and learning to interpret frustration constructively is a valuable step towards that knowledge.

Of course, turning frustration into a useful tool for self-improvement is no easy task. On days when it seems too much, try this alternative strategy via Phyllis Diller:

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."

Bored

"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."--attributed to Dorothy Parker

Boredom is dangerous because it feeds on itself: the more bored you are, the more bored you get. So what's the best way to snap out of this self-fulfilling prophecy at work? Cultivate curiosity. Take little steps at first. Ask a question about some small aspect of your company's operations that you've never thought much about before. Find out exactly what happens to those spreadsheets after you've passed them on to marketing. Take someone out to lunch just to learn more about what they do. Just as boredom can take over, so too can your curiosity, if you give it some fertile ground to grow. Small questions lead to bigger ones, and more often than not, to a renewed interest in your work.

Tired

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task."--William James

I find that a big part of feeling the dreaded fog of fatigue is missing that satisfying sense of completion. When projects are fluid or ongoing, it's difficult to look back at your day with a feeling of accomplishment. One easy strategy to try? Finish a few of your outstanding tasks. Again, start small--there's no shame in crossing off minor items on the to-do list. In fact, these feel like mental clutter; get rid of them and feel that fog lift a bit. Answer that e-mail that's been flagged for three weeks. Empty and organize your bottom desk drawer. Closing the door on these little, unfinished tasks--which leach your focus and attention--will enable you to direct more of your energy towards the bigger questions and more absorbing professional issues.

"Envy comes from people's ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts."--Jean Vanier

In the middle of a professional slump, it's easy to look around at your colleagues and see only what they have that you don't. But if you feel stalled in your career, it truly has nothing to do with the abilities, talents, or satisfaction levels of anyone else. So instead of looking outward, turn your focus inward. Remind yourself of your gifts. Reflect on all the things you've accomplished in your career so far, and think about how you can use your gifts to fuel your professional future. Sometimes a simple inventory of your own assets is enough to turn envy into gratitude, which is a profoundly more motivating and productive feeling.

And however you might be feeling, simply rephrasing how you think and talk about your "slump" is sometimes all it takes to give you a much-needed boost. In the words of baseball great Yogi Berra: "Slump? I ain't in no slump... I just ain't hitting."

From Inc. Magazine

How Your Friends Influence Your Success

You can tell a lot about a person by the company that they keep. There’s a saying that goes something like: You become the average of the six people that you spend the most time with.

If you look at your professional company -- the other co-workers, colleagues, business owners and industry professionals that you most often interact with -- who are they, what do they stand for and what do they say about you?

How is your circle influencing you?

Where do you stand among your professional peers? Are you always the leader of the pack or are you making sure to surround yourself with people who will push you to be your best?

When you play tennis, the best way to improve your own game is to play with someone superior to you. This allows you to rise to the challenge of bringing your play up to the other player’s level, rather than holding back. Even if you are evenly matched with a competitor, it can be hard for you to improve.

When I learn a new skill or enter a new arena, I seek out the people at the highest level. Sometimes, this means paying for that privilege. When I trained with The Second City (the famed comedy and improvisational school that is known as the breeding ground for SNL, etc.), I had a few options. I could have started with the beginner class, but that would have made me work at the pace of the slowest learner, as the group can only go that quickly. Instead, I opted for a more efficient, albeit effective, option. I chose a custom program where I was the only student and my counterparts were the professional troupe members. This meant that I was the slowest one in the room and I had to jump in the deep end and swim with all of my might to keep up with them.

Getting to the next level

Can the people around you provide you with the opportunities you are looking for and get you to the next level? If you are only networking, masterminding and interacting with those at your level who have the same types of contacts, they may not be able to push you to step up to the next level, and they will unlikely be able to refer you to those next level opportunities that you seek.

I see it as a challenge, particularly for women who stick to women’s-only networking groups. While these groups have value, sometimes the women are missing the opportunity to connect with those individuals (which include men in higher positions) who can help recommend them for new opportunities.

Paying it forward

You can’t always be the student, so when you can, remember that there are others than can benefit from your guidance. As you improve your tennis skills, let a novice play with you from time to time to get exposure. Pay it forward, as there will always be more to learn and more to give.

From Entrepreneur

10 Stupid Things Bosses Say When They Fire People

Getting fired sucks. And getting fired sucks even worse when the person letting you go says something foolish, stupid, or even insulting.

After all, the sole goal of the people doing the firing is to treat the employee as respectfully and compassionately as possible.

Their feelings? Irrelevant.

Which is why bosses should never say any of the following:

1. "Look, this is really hard for me."

Who cares if it’s hard for you? The employee certainly doesn’t. Talk about how difficult the situation is for you and the employee immediately thinks, "Really? What about me? How hard do you think this is on me?" If you feel bad—and you will—talk through your feelings later with someone else. (If you're like me, sometimes you'll second-guess yourself too.)

Also never say, “Look, I don't know how to say this…” You do know how to say it. You’re just uncomfortable actually saying it.

Never even hint that the employee should somehow feel your pain. That's just selfish.

2. "We've decided we need to make a change."

You're not an NBA team firing an unsuccessful coach. And you're not holding a press conference either, so skip the platitudes. If you've done your job right the employee already knows why he's being fired. (Here's a straightforward guide to firing people the right way.)

State the reason for your action as clearly and concisely as possible. Or just say, "Mark, I have to let you go."

Mark should already know why.

3. "We will work out some of the details later."

For the employee getting fired is both the end and the start of another process: Collecting personal items, returning company property, learning about benefits status, etc.

It's your job to know how all that works ahead of time. Getting fired is bad enough; sitting in limbo while you figure out the next steps is humiliating for an employee who wants nothing more than to leave.

Never make an employee wait to meet with others who are part of the process. Once you let an employee go she's on her time, not yours.

4. "Compared to Juan, you just aren't cutting it."

Never justify firing an employee by comparing them to someone else. Employees should be fired because they fail to meet standards, targets, or behavioral expectations.

Plus, drawing comparisons between employees makes it possible for what should be an objective decision to veer into the “personality zone,” a conversational black hole you will struggle to escape.

5. "Okay, let’s talk about that. Here’s why..."

Most employees sit quietly, but a few will want to argue. Never let yourself be dragged into a back-and-forth discussion. Just say, "Pete, we can talk about this as long as you like, but you should understand that nothing we discuss will change the decision." While that sounds harsh, it's not. Besides, arguments almost always make the employee feel worse.

Be professional, be empathetic, and stick to the facts. Don't feel the need to respond if an employee starts to vent.

Just listen. That’s the least you can do. And the most you can do.

6. "You’ve been a solid employee but we simply have to cut staffing."

If you truly are downsizing, leave performance out and just say you're downsizing.

But if you're not actually downsizing and you're hiding behind that excuse so the conversation is easier for you then you do the employee a disservice—and you open your business up to potential problems if you later hire someone to fill the open slot.

Never play games to try to protect the employee's feelings—or, worse, to protect your own. Just be direct.

7. "We both know you aren't happy here, so down the road you’ll be glad."

Whether or not the employee will someday be glad you let her go is not for you to judge. Don't expect employees to find a silver lining in the cloud of getting fired, at least not at first. Let them find their own glimmers of possibility.

8. "I need to walk you to the door."

I once worked for a company where the policy was to immediately escort terminated employees out of the building. (And I hated it.)

Getting fired doesn't make an employee a criminal, so don’t put them through walks of shame. Just set simple parameters. Say, "Jane, please gather up your personal belongings and I'll meet you back here in 10 minutes."

If Jane doesn't come back on time, go get her. She won't argue.

9. "We have decided to let you go."

The word "we" is appropriate in almost every setting... but not this one. Say, "I."

At this moment, you are the company. So take responsibility.

10. "If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know."

Like what? Write a glowing letter of recommendation? Call your connections and put in a good word for him? (Of course if you're forced to lay off good employees due to lack of work, definitely do anything you can to help them land on their feet.)

You should absolutely say, "If you have any questions about benefits, final paychecks, or other details, call me. I'll make sure you get the answers you need." But never offer to do things you can't do. You might feel a little better, but the employee won't.

Remember, when you fire an employee it's all about the employee, not about you—and especially not about what makes you feel better.

Written by Jeff Haden (published on LinkedIn)

5 Common Entrepreneur Mistakes

If you fall into any of these traps, it could spell the end of your business.

The road to creating your own business is waylaid with possible mistakes on all sides. One wrong move, one wrong partner or contract, and everything could come crashing down around you. Since you are putting your all into your business, you should pay attention to the following list of the five most common mistakes that entrepreneurs make and how to avoid them.

1. Picking the Wrong Partner

Even though it may sound like a great idea to start your own business with your best friend, you have to take into consideration your friend's qualifications. The person may share the same passion for the idea that you have, but if he has no idea how to run a business or frequently mishandles his own money, you should not invest your capital or time with him to get a business off the ground. On the other hand, if you find a potential partner who has all the business skills in the world behind her but you cannot get along with her, you should avoid partnering with her as well, as confrontation will do nothing to help your business get off the ground. You need to find someone who has the best of both worlds: skills and personality.

2. Losing Sight of Your Market

It's true that the larger your market is, the better your sales are going to be, simply because of the law of averages. But if you try to please everybody, you are going to lose everybody. If a product is so generalized that you cannot pin down whom it should be sold to, you will not know whom to pitch to. Also, pitching to the general public takes away the sense of personal need that niche products provide. Know whom you are selling to for optimal success.

3. Not Knowing How to Budget

If you run out of money at any point in your business startup, that is a pretty good sign that your financial future is not too great either. A successful business owner will be laying down budgets from day one, in addition to finding ways to make money stretch. He or she will also realize that you need to always have some sort of financial cushion, because an emergency can strike at any moment. In that case, if you do not have anything to pull from, your only option could be to shut your doors.

4. Not Staying in Touch With Your Customers

If you do not gather feedback from your customers, especially in the early phases of your business, you will not know what is working for you and what is not. If sales start to dip down and you do not know why, it could take time that you do not have to turn the ship around. Getting feedback means that you will have a pulse on your business, and will know exactly what adjustments to make to better it.

5. Getting Your Emotions Involved

Your emotions are obviously going to be the driving factor in your business, as the passion you have for the idea or solution is going to be why you start it in the first place. But if you get too attached to what you are doing, you will open yourself to the possibility of being blind to the changes needed to further your success or to the one idea to leave behind in pursuit of a more sustainable future.

From Inc. Magazine

7 Traits to Turn Good Managers Into Great Managers

At my core I believe that great managers have one job: to get the very best out of the people they manage. While that premise sounds simple, the execution is hard.

Throughout my career I have had the fortune of learning from and working alongside some great managers. And I have also had plenty of exposure to bad leaders and individuals who have demonstrated poor management acumen. Fortunately, I am able to learn from my past experiences and implement the best tactics at my current position, the VP of Communications for Porch. In this role,

developing great managers is one of my primary commitments.

So, how do good managers become great managers?

It starts with understanding and ultimately excelling at the following seven traits.

1. Have great attitudes.

Attitude really is everything and great managers know that their energy and attitude sets the pace for the day. Whereas good managers stroll up the stairs, great managers run up the stairs.

They also know how to manage their poker face. Body language is a signal that people feed on; it is part of the human condition.

Lastly, a great manager knows when to hold certain situations lightly and when to drive certain situations with a high degree of urgency. Their communication is not hard to read or understand.

2. Are transparent.

You cannot be a great manager if you sugarcoat things. They must know how to speak to their reports in a way that is direct, factual and straightforward -- especially when it comes to bad news. They also get to the point quick and transition into solution-based thinking (versus wallowing).

Top-notch managers must also be transparent. This trait helps drive away any potential rumor mills before they open. They foster a culture of candor, making it easier for people to give meaningful real-time feedback. 

3. Demonstrate maturity.

Great managers are able to regulate their emotions -- especially as it relates to representing and serving as an example of the company’s values. They do so, as they realize they serve as a megaphone for the values of the company and handle this responsibility with a high degree of character and maturity.

Internally, exceptional managers consistently fly above the noise and don’t get caught in emotional traps. They know that if they really feel frustrated, it is best to go for a walk. They don’t over-react and lose their cool in the office.

4. Remain flexible.

Great managers know that it is not all about them; it is all about the people. When things get bumpy they embrace ambiguity and make others comfortable in dealing with change. They also know that no two employees are the same and spend the time getting to know what motivates and challenges people. They ask questions and listen so they can setup a working relationship that is tailored to the specific needs of an employee (as appropriate and reasonable as possible).

5. Reinforce accountability.

Remarkable managers are obsessed with accountability. They realize that the success of their direct reports is their success. On the flipside, they share in failures and mistakes. They hold regular one-on-one meetings with their direct reports and reinforce the outcomes they and the team are responsible for. They are vested in driving solution-based cultures and strive to build an environment of continued learning (versus finger pointing). Also, to keep staff focused, they make sure to handle and manage accountability conflicts as they come up (instead of letting things fester).

6. Get their hands dirty.

Great managers know in addition to being a leader, they are also teammates. They don’t just give feedback on problems; they help with implementing the solutions. These managers are very clear and realistic when it comes setting and communicating goals. Along the way they get their hands dirty and put in the work to ensure their direct reports are setup for success. They show them how to be successful if they are falling behind and demonstrate best practices to help guide them along.

7. Develop great talent.

The number-one advantage for a company having great managers is they develop great talent. They are able to get the right people in the right roles at the right time. They do this through the encouragement of mentorship opportunities and the implementation of a proactive plan for addressing career development interests, needs and desires. Great managers care about the future as much as they care about the present for both the business and the individual.

From Entrepreneur

Meeting the Right People Is Worth It, Even If You Have to Pay for Access

We’ve all heard that who you know is as important as what you know. Frankly, I wish that weren’t true. So much so, that I’ve occasionally resisted the notion in print. But a recent experience has me changing my tune.

After years of aggressively banging down doors -- to little avail -- I attended a two-day seminar about an industry I invent for. It was not inexpensive. But because attendees had paid to be there, it was small and intimate. I was astounded by whom I suddenly had access to.

The speakers, who were industry leaders, were right there. They were available to chat over coffee and at lunch. I introduced myself and gave them my business card. They gave away their contact information freely. Later, when I followed up over email, I was even able to connect one individual with a potential client.

I’m not convinced there’s any other way I would have ever reached these people, despite my doggedness. I mean, this is an industry I’ve spent years in, I had practically given up. To be clear, I’ve met people who have introduced me to power players at free events and events that charge a modest entry fee, as well.

So the question becomes, when is it advisable to pay for access? There’s no single answer, but I think it’s something you should spend some time thinking about. Yes, your business might be limited on funds. But if you’re burning through cash because you can’t get in touch with the right people, maybe you can’t afford not to. From time to time, paying for access is warranted.

Who you know really does matter -- in fact, sometimes it’s what matters most.

You don’t have to let that discourage you. Meeting the right people isn’t a matter of luck and it isn’t just a matter of income. With these tips, you too can become a master networker. 

1. Stay abreast of industry news.

Get to know the major players by reading the news. Join industry mailing lists. Establish a social-media presence. That way, you’ll be aware of potential events to attend and people to meet.

2. Know that it’s not enough to simply be present.

You must go one step further and introduce yourself, make an attempt at small talk, and exchange contact information. No one expects you to go on at length about yourself or your business (and honestly, they probably wish you wouldn’t), but you should try to leave an impression. It’ll be much easier to follow up later if you do. The more you do this, the easier it will become. If all else fails, remember that people love talking about themselves.

3. Never throw away a business card.

Someone you met years ago might be just the person you could benefit from knowing now. Or even better, they might be able to help out one of your peers. Never overlook an opportunity to network, whether you’re in the lobby of a hotel that’s hosting a conference you’re attending or ordering a drink at the bar. Be alert!

My mentor collects business cards from everyone he meets. That man has a Rolodex unlike any other. And time after time, I’ve watched him make use of it.

4. Keep in touch.

Consider dropping someone a note that you’re not currently working with. When someone (regardless of their importance) reaches out to you, respond to them promptly. Caring is what cements the creation of a long-term, mutually-beneficial relationship.

5. Work LinkedIn.

If you’re unsure about whom to reach out to, search LinkedIn. It’s a boon to us all that employees list their job titles on their profiles. People seem unusually willing to correspond via LinkedIn.

I can’t tell you how many times one of my students has told me, “I found him on LinkedIn and he responded to my message!” I’m not sure why people who aren’t willing to respond to a phone call will respond to a message on LinkedIn, but there you have it.

Some people act like networking is an unnatural act. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know how much of my success is due to my relationships with other people. The only way for you to get there is to let your enthusiasm for your business shine in all of your interactions.

From Entrepreneur