4 Employees Who Are Secretly Toxic

These four employees fly under the radar, but they're secretly making your team fail.

My recent post, "Don't Fire Difficult Employees," pointed out that sometimes the most obviously difficult employees--like drama queens and nonconformists--just need some management attention to fulfill their potential.

There are, however, four types of employee who truly drain productivity, not because they demand attention, but because they typically fly under the management radar. These are the employees that really do need to be fired ASAP:

1. The Chameleon

In the animal kingdom, the Chameleon changes color in order to escape notice. In the business world, the chameleon changes roles in order avoid work. He volunteers for (or gets himself assigned to) multiple teams and working groups.

He then uses that fact to justify never taking an action item within any of the teams because he's "stressed to the max" due to the "huge workload" that he's taken on...in other meetings.

When salary review comes, the Chameleon claims credit for "helping" all those teams achieve their goals.

I worked with a Chameleon whose only contribution (as far as I saw) was to give a 10-minute presentation comparing business problems to different sizes of rat dropping. (He had a slide.) His point: Sometimes you've got to deal with the big heaps, and sometimes you've got to deal with the little heaps.

Over the six years I knew this guy, he was probably paid over $200,000 per year and he managed to leave the company via golden parachute.

The best way to deal with a Chameleon is to assign specific projects that require the Chameleon to work solo and have ambitious deadlines. Use surprise "status update" meetings, to prevent the Chameleon from getting other people to do the work.

2. The Ornament

In the day-to-day world, an ornament, of course, is something you put on a Christmas tree or car hood. In business, Ornaments are people who get by on their looks rather than on their contribution. There are two types:

Female Ornaments tend to be model-esque, in a "Victoria's Secret" way. Men are so fascinated by the Ornament's appearance that she can get them do to anything she wants. (There was a Seinfeld episode about this phenomenon.)

I once knew an admin who couldn't type, couldn't file, and could barely answer the phone. However, she was extremely "easy on the eyes," (as they say) in a company where the eyes were mostly male. She kept her job ever through a couple of layoffs.

Male Ornaments have the tall, square-jawed, perfect-hair, perfect-suit appearance that immediately identifies them as authoritative and business-like. (Think Mitt Romney, but without the high IQ.)

I knew an "empty suit" Ornament who managed over about a decade to get himself assigned upward into a top management position. Guess which organization he "worked" inside: 1) Engineering, 2) Manufacturing, 3) Finance, 4) Sales, 5) Marketing.

If you can't fire an Ornament, put him or her in a "face the public" job where good looks are actually an asset to the company. For example, both the female and male Ornaments mentioned above were quite effective as "demo dollies" at trade shows.

3. The Ball and Chain

In history, a ball and chain was a weight clamped around a prisoner's leg so that he couldn't run fast enough to escape. In business, a Ball and Chain is a person inside an organization whose job is to ensure that the company never takes risks, a.k.a. a corporate lawyer.

When asked whether or not the company should try something new, a corporate lawyer will always say no, because if things go right, the lawyer gets no credit, but if things go wrong, the lawyer gets blamed.

Corporate lawyers are also adept at creating legal red tape, ostensibly to lessen risk, but also to strengthen their stranglehold over the organization. If left unchecked, they can gum up the works so that it becomes impossible to do anything at all.

I know of one social network that requires half a dozen documents to hire an outside contractor, even if there's only a couple of hundred dollars involved. Frankly, that bodes ill for the company's long-term survival, because once the lawyers are running the show...

Ball and Chains can be difficult to fire, because they've got the legal savvy to sue if you don't have a good reason for letting them go.

Fortunately, there's an easy way to limit their toxicity: Treat them as consultants, not decision makers. Let them assess risk, give you an opinion, and then YOU decide what to do. Ball and Chains only weigh you down if you take their advice as gospel.

4. The Vampire

In fiction, a vampire appears to be human but thrives on the blood of others. In the workplace, a Vampire appears to be a contributor, but thrives on the emotions of others.

In big meetings, workplace Vampires are always "helpful." They help people understand what could go wrong. They help people see that disaster is inevitable. They help so much that everybody leaves the room feeling drained.

Vampires are equally "helpful" when meeting one-on-one. They get friendly with multiple co-workers and then turn them all against each other. Vampires are always ready to hear complaints, especially those that will foment more conflict.

A Vampire will create major discord without anybody being fully aware that the Vampire is responsible. The Vampire so cleverly foists negativity into the situation that everyone assumes that the negative feelings are genuinely their own.

I once saw a workplace Vampire reduce an entrepreneurial marketing manager into a paranoid ghost of his former self. The energy-suck was so subtle that the manager didn't understand what had actually happened until a decade after he'd left the firm.

The difficulty with firing a Vampire is that usually he or she is quite popular, since almost everybody in the organization thinks of the Vampire as a friend and ally. Nevertheless, this is one type of toxic employee for whom the only cure is to hand out a pink slip.

From Inc. Magazine

Why the Empathetic Leader Is the Best Leader

Expert in inspirational leadership Simon Sinek explains our biological need to be part of an altruistic organization.

Simon Sinek had penned a best-selling book on team-building and given a TED Talk seen, to date, by 17  million people when he discovered the secret of leadership that now governs his philosophy.

The revelation occurred during a conversation with a Marine Corps official about what makes the corps so extraordinarily tight-knit that Marines willingly trust each other with their very lives. Go into any Marine Corps mess hall, Lt. Gen. George Flynn told Sinek, and watch the Marines line up for their chow. The most junior eat first, followed in rank order, with the leaders eating last. This practice isn’t in any rulebook; the Marines just do it because of the way they view the responsibility of  leadership.

Whereas many people think leadership is about rank, power and privilege, Marines believe that true leadership is the willingness to place others’ needs above your own. For that reason Sinek titled his 2014 book Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t—a follow-up to his powerhouse Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.

In Leaders Eat Last, the 40-year-old Sinek proposes a concept of leadership that has little to do with authority, management acumen or even being in charge. True leadership, Sinek says, is about empowering others to achieve things they didn’t think possible. Exceptional organizations, he says, “prioritize the well-being of their people and, in return, their people give everything they’ve got to protect and advance the well-being of one another and the organization.”

Whether we’re leading armies, multinational corporations or a fledgling home-based business, Sinek’s message is the same. “We all have the responsibility to become the leaders we wish we had,” he says in a phone conversation from his New York home.

A Biology Lesson

As it turns out, humans come equipped with a built-in chemistry set that gives us incentives to protect not just ourselves but also others. Four primary neurochemicals—endorphins, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin (all essential to normal healthy brain function)—contribute to our positive feelings of happiness, pride, joy, achievement and fulfillment. And beyond just making us feel good (when properly balanced), they ensure our long-term survival. 

Endorphins and dopamine are what Sinek calls “selfish” chemicals; they’re released so we’ll persist in the tasks we need to accomplish as individuals. Endorphins mask physical pain with pleasure. They can produce the euphoria of the runner’s high or—as in the Paleolithic era (Old Stone Age)—give us the strength to track prey miles and miles so we have enough to eat. Dopamine is behind the warm flush of satisfaction we feel when we complete a project or reach an important goal en route to an even larger goal. The feeling of satisfaction we get when we cross something off our to-do list is dopamine-fueled, and the release of dopamine increases as we take on larger challenges. “The bigger the goal, the more effort it requires, the more dopamine we get,” Sinek says. “This is why it feels really good to work hard to accomplish something difficult. Something quick and easy may only give us a little hit, if anything at all. There is no biological incentive to do nothing.” 

Serotonin and oxytocin are the “selfless” chemicals. Serotonin is the molecular manifestation of the feeling of pride—we get it when we perceive others like or respect us. On a deep level, we need to feel that we and our work are valued by others, particularly those in our group. This compound reinforces the bond between parent and child, teacher and student, coach and player, boss and employee, leader and follower. At the same time, oxytocin is working to promote empathy and trust, allowing those bonds to deepen—unlike the instant-gratification rush delivered by dopamine, oxytocin has long-term effects that become amplified the more we bond with someone. As we learn to trust them and earn their trust in return, the more the oxytocin flows. This is the chemical manifestation of love. “It’s responsible for all the warm and fuzzies,” Sinek says. When we’re in the company of friends, family members and close colleagues, a flush of oxytocin propels acts of generosity that strengthen the connections. 

Homo sapiens developed a herd instinct; thanks to those cooperative chemicals, we find comfort when we’re part of a group. “Our confidence that we can face the dangers around us literally depends on feeling safe in a group,” Sinek says. “Being on the periphery is dangerous. The loner on the edge of the group is far more susceptible to predators than someone who is safely surrounded and valued by others.” 

Beyond the Reptile Brain 

If you were driven only by endorphins and dopamine, you’d have a reptilian brain. Crocodiles, Sinek says, act completely on “me-first” instincts. When two hungry crocodiles spot the carcass of a wildebeest floating down the river, both will lunge at it. The faster and stronger of the two will consume every last bit, leaving nothing behind for his fellow croc. “There is no part of the reptilian brain that rewards cooperative behavior,” Sinek says. 

Sinek admits there’s an awful lot of reptilian behavior at the top of companies these days—many corporate environments short-circuit our capacity for cooperation and compassion, instead promoting paranoia, cynicism and self-interest. “In the military we give medals to people who sacrifice so others may gain,” Sinek says. “In business we give bonuses to people who gained when others  sacrificed.” 

Crocodile behavior works for a very few people in an organization, at least for a while. “You can absolutely have success when leaders eat first,” Sinek says. “But that success is going to be short-term and less able to weather hard times. In hard times people will not rush to the aid of a leader if they’ve never felt that he or she had put their interests first. You can get a lion to do what you want it to do by whipping it, but at some point it’s going to come back and bite  you.

” Putting profits before people was one reason so many banks and mortgage companies needed to be rescued with huge government bailouts after the stock market crash of 2008, Sinek says. Contrast that, he suggests, with big-box retailer Costco. “People sometimes criticize Costco because of its flat stock performance, but that’s only true if you evaluate on a quarterly basis. If you look over the course of a couple of decades, what you see is slow, steady growth. If you invested a dollar in Costco and a dollar in, say, General Electric in 1986, you would have made about 600 percent on your investment in GE up to now, and 1,200 percent on your Costco investment.” 

When the economic slowdown rocked the retail world in 2009, Costco’s then-CEO James Sinegal approved a $1.50 hourly raise for employees, insisting that in a bad economy “we should be figuring out how to give [workers] more, not less.” Today, paying its employees an average of $21 an hour compared with Wal-Mart’s $13, Costco has extraordinarily low turnover—less than 10 percent for hourly employees. 

It’s All About Empathy 

Sinek says researching his latest book has even changed the way he conducts his own life and business. “The lesson I’m learning is that I’m useless by myself. My success hinges entirely on the people I work with—the people who enlist themselves to join me in my vision. And it’s my responsibility to see that they’re working at their best capacity.” 

Empathy—the ability to recognize and share other people’s feelings—is the most important instrument in a leader’s toolbox, Sinek believes. 

It can be expressed in the simple words, “Is everything OK?” It’s what effective leaders ask an employee, instead of commanding “Clean out your desk” when he or she starts slacking off. It’s what you ask a client when a once-harmonious relationship gets rocky. “I really believe in quiet confrontation,” Sinek says. “If you had a good working relationship with someone and it’s suddenly gone sour, I believe in saying something like, ‘When we started we were both so excited, and it’s become really difficult now. Are you OK? What’s changed?” 

Sinek has been training himself to be more empathic by paying attention to everyday gestures, such as holding elevators for others or refilling the coffeemaker. Even small acts of kindness release a tiny shot of feel-good oxytocin. What’s more, “These little considerations for others have a building effect,” Sinek says. “The daily practice of putting the well-being of others first has a compounding and reciprocal effect in relationships, in friendships, in the way we treat our clients and our colleagues.” 

If Sinek sometimes sounds like someone singing “Kumbaya” around the campfire, he isn’t embarrassed. 

“I’m the first to admit that I’m an idealist. Leaders Eat Last is a vision for the future. It offers some explanation of how we find ourselves where we are today and what we can do to change it.” He pauses, then—sounding like anything but a Paleolithic caveman—offers some parting words. 

“True leadership isn’t the bastion of a few who sit at the top. It’s the responsibility of anyone who belongs to a group, and that means all of us. We all need to step up, take the risk and put our interests second—not always—but when it counts.”

From Success Magazine

The 4 Basics of Making Money on the Internet

The Internet is the hot ticket. Entrepreneurs everywhere want to exploit it to drive sales and grow their businesses.

Used properly, it can be an important part of your marketing mix. Used improperly, it can be a black hole -- one in which you dump tens of thousands of dollars without results. To maximize the return on your Internet-marketing dollars, follow these four tips:

1. Real-world basics still matter, so get them right. To get the basics right, we suggest answering three questions:

• Why would a prospective customer buy my product or service rather than the offerings of a competitor?
• Is there a segment of the market that would value the things that differentiate my product or service and is it large enough to support my business?
• What is the most cost-effective way to reach this segment with the message that my product or service is different?

You should only launch an Internet-marketing campaign if it is the most cost effective way to reach your specific target segment with your message.

2. Choose the right social media. Not all social media is equal. For example, Pinterest, which is image based, may be great for a jewelry designer to showcase his works. It would probably be less useful for a criminal-defense attorney.

In fact, depending on the target market segment, social media may not be appropriate at all. Launching a Twitter campaign to reach septuagenarians may not be the best use of marketing funds.

Choose the right platform for reaching your target market segment. Spend some time on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and LinkedIn. Do your research before choosing where to spend your time and efforts.  

3. Offer content. Going out on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn with a message that says, “Buy our product” will be ineffective at best. We have found it far more useful to offer something of value to prospective customers. Your posts can feature a link to an article, an assessment, a blog post or a video. You can use other people’s materials with permission and proper attribution. However, if you author the material, it positions you as an expert.

Once you have provided something of value and positioned yourself as an expert, you are much more likely to build the trust necessary to sell something. You can feature your products or services with a banner ad on your blog or by inviting the prospect to click through to the ecommerce portion of your website.

4. Focus on sales, not clicks. One huge problem with many Internet marketers is misalignment of objectives. You want to sell your product or service. They measure success in clicks, friends, followers or some other metric that does not equate to sales. Our advice: If your goals are not aligned with the company you are paying for marketing services, run fast.

Interim goals are fine. Gaining a certain number of followers or obtaining a target click through rate can be wonderful short-term objectives. However, the final objective of Internet marketing is sales, full stop. Don’t lose sight of this.

The Internet in general and social media specifically can be wonderful tools for generating sales. But, like all tools, they have to be used properly to produce the desired results. The four tips above will help you choose the right path.

From Entrepreneur

How LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony Lead By Example

If you want to stay successful, you must be willing to make necessary changes--even when it seems like you're at the top of your game.

By losing weight, both basketball stars have sent a very visible and vulnerable 

public message that they're not resting on their lucrative new contracts

Sometimes even successful professionals have to change. Recently, two of the world's greatest basketball players--Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James and New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony--dramatically illustrated their willingness to embrace change by modifying their diets. 

James, a four-time MVP and two-time champion, cut carbs and looked visibly skinnier, reports Ben Cohen in the Wall Street Journal. "He cut weight so quickly that he was visibly thinner in photos he shared online this month," he writes. As for Anthony, his trainer, Idan Ravin, told ESPNNewYork.com that the seven-time all-star has been "very meticulous about his diet and his workout" throughout the summer. 

As it turns out, the two stars have far more in common this summer than a weight loss:

• Both lined up big paydays. James signed a 2-year, $41.2-million deal to return to the Cavaliers after four seasons with the Miami Heat. Anthony signed a 5-year, $124-million deal to stay with the Knicks. 

• Both received these contracts despite disappointing seasons. James and the Heat lost in the NBA Finals to the San Antonio Spurs. In fact, James notoriously cramped up in the first game of the Finals, and was unable to play in the last four minutes. The Heat lost and the Spurs never looked back. Meanwhile, the Knicks drastically underachieved, amassing a 37-45 record and missing the playoffs. It was the first time in Anthony's career that one of his teams missed the playoffs. 

• Both are getting ready to work with new colleagues. James switched teams entirely. Anthony remained in New York, but the Knicks hired a new coach and revamped the roster following the disappointing 2013-14 season.

James' and Anthony's behavior provides a great window into the concept of leading by example. In business, the overall idea of leading by example is simple: You can't expect or request your employees or partners to behave a certain way if you, yourself, aren't also living up to the standard.

In basketball terms, James and Anthony are being role models for a standard of offseason fitness and team-first focus. In addition to slimming down, neither player opted to play for Team USA in the 2014 FIBA tournament (which is, essentially, the World Cup of basketball). Instead, both stayed focused on preparing for the upcoming NBA season. 

But here's what else they're embracing as role models: vulnerability and accountability. Each player could easily have passed the buck to their teammates, ascribing last year's shortcomings to their scrubby supporting casts. Instead, each took a look in the mirror and realized: I could be in better shape. 

In business, leading by example is also largely about showing your willingness to embrace vulnerability, accountability, and standards of fitness. Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinardhas famously led the $540-million company by doing what he believes is the right thing, even if it means looking in the mirror and not liking what his company looks like. Last year, he told Liz Welch about one way Patagonia needed to get in better shape: 

Recently, animal-rights activists in Germany accused us of getting our down from geese that were being live plucked. We sent two people to Hungary to check it out. They said, "The good news is, we're not live plucking geese. The bad news is, the geese are being force-fed for foie gras." We didn't cover that up or spin it--we told the truth and found another source of down. It doesn't work any other way. Plus, we want other companies to be more transparent. The only way to lead is by example.

The overall idea is simple: You'll be more respected as a leader if your own organization--or your own body--is in order. And the act of humbling yourself, and admitting you need to shape up, is all the more potent when it comes from a living legend who's already earned plenty of money--be it Chouinard, James, or Anthony. It's more inspirational that way too.

The Spurs are the defending champions, but James and Anthony are clearly primed to bring it next season. Their teammates won't be far behind. 

From Inc. Magazine

How Successful People Stay Calm

The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.

The havoc stress can wreak on one’s physical and mental health (the Yale study found that prolonged stress causes degeneration in the area of the brain responsible for self-control). The tricky thing about stress (and the anxiety that comes with it) is that it’s an absolutely necessary emotion. Our brains are wired such that it’s difficult to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state. In fact, performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate levels of stress. As long as the stress isn’t prolonged, it’s harmless.

Research from the University of California, Berkeley, reveals an upside to experiencing moderate levels of stress. But it also reinforces how important it is to keep stress under control. The study, led by post-doctoral fellow Elizabeth Kirby, found that the onset of stress entices the brain into growing new cells responsible for improved memory. However, this effect is only seen when stress is intermittent. As soon as the stress continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged state, it suppresses the brain’s ability to develop new cells.

“I think intermittent stressful events are probably what keeps the brain more alert, and you perform better when you are alert,” Kirby says. For animals, intermittent stress is the bulk of what they experience, in the form of physical threats in their immediate environment. Long ago, this was also the case for humans. As the human brain evolved and increased in complexity, we’ve developed the ability to worry and perseverate on events, which creates frequent experiences of prolonged stress.

Besides increasing your risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity, stress decreases your cognitive performance. Fortunately, though, unless a lion is chasing you, the bulk of your stress is subjective and under your control. Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ under stressful circumstances. This lowers their stress levels regardless of what’s happening in their environment, ensuring that the stress they experience is intermittent and not prolonged.

While I’ve run across numerous effective strategies that successful people employ when faced with stress, what follows are ten of the best. Some of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having the wherewithal to actually do so in spite of your stress.

They Appreciate What They Have

Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the “right” thing to do. It also improves your mood, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

They Avoid Asking “What If?”

“What if?” statements throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry. Things can go in a million different directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the possibilities, the less time you’ll spend focusing on taking action that will calm you down and keep your stress under control. Calm people know that asking “what if? will only take them to a place they don’t want—or need—to go.

They Stay Positive

Positive thoughts help make stress intermittent by focusing your brain’s attention onto something that is completely stress-free. You have to give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood is good, this is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, this can be a challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can't think of something from the current day, reflect on the previous day or even the previous week. Or perhaps you’re looking forward to an exciting event that you can focus your attention on. The point here is that you must have something positive that you're ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative.

They Disconnect

Given the importance of keeping stress intermittent, it’s easy to see how taking regular time off the grid can help keep your stress under control. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body a break from a constant source of stress. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels.

Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment. If detaching yourself from work-related communication on weekday evenings is too big a challenge, then how about the weekend? Choose blocks of time where you cut the cord and go offline. You’ll be amazed at how refreshing these breaks are and how they reduce stress by putting a mental recharge into your weekly schedule. If you’re worried about the negative repercussions of taking this step, first try doing it at times when you’re unlikely to be contacted—maybe Sunday morning. As you grow more comfortable with it, and as your coworkers begin to accept the time you spend offline, gradually expand the amount of time you spend away from technology.

They Limit Their Caffeine Intake

Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight-or-flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyperaroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. The stress that caffeine creates is far from intermittent, as its long half-life ensures that it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body.

They Sleep

I’ve beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. Stressful projects often make you feel as if you have no time to sleep, but taking the time to get a decent night’s sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting things under control.

They Squash Negative Self-Talk

A big step in managing stress involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things, your inner voice says, “It's time to stop and write them down.” Literally stop what you're doing and write down what you're thinking. Once you've taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.

You can bet that your statements aren’t true any time you use words like “never,” “worst,” “ever,” etc. If your statements still look like facts once they’re on paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural threat tendency inflating the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as thoughts by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive new outlook.

They Reframe Their Perspective

Stress and worry are fueled by our own skewed perception of events. It’s easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we’re so stressed all the time. You can’t control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond to them. So before you spend too much time dwelling on something, take a minute to put the situation in perspective. If you aren’t sure when you need to do this, try looking for clues that your anxiety may not be proportional to the stressor. If you’re thinking in broad, sweeping statements such as “Everything is going wrong” or “Nothing will work out,” then you need to reframe the situation. A great way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the specific things that actually are going wrong or not working out. Most likely you will come up with just some things—not everything—and the scope of these stressors will look much more limited than it initially appeared.

They Breathe

The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do everyday anyway: breathing. The practice of being in the moment with your breathing will begin to train your brain to focus solely on the task at hand and get the stress monkey off your back. When you’re feeling stressed, take a couple of minutes to focus on your breathing. Close the door, put away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe. The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on your breathing, which will prevent your mind from wandering. Think about how it feels to breathe in and out. This sounds simple, but it’s hard to do for more than a minute or two. It’s all right if you get sidetracked by another thought; this is sure to happen at the beginning, and you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing. If staying focused on your breathing proves to be a real struggle, try counting each breath in and out until you get to 20, and then start again from 1. Don’t worry if you lose count; you can always just start over.

This task may seem too easy or even a little silly, but you’ll be surprised by how calm you feel afterward and how much easier it is to let go of distracting thoughts that otherwise seem to have lodged permanently inside your brain.

They Use Their Support System

It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To be calm and productive, you need to recognize your weaknesses and ask for help when you need it. This means tapping into your support system when a situation is challenging enough for you to feel overwhelmed. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as talking about your worries will provide an outlet for your anxiety and stress and supply you with a new perspective on the situation. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation. Asking for help will mitigate your stress and strengthen your relationships with those you rely upon. 

Written by Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.

9 Things Successful People Won't Do

TalentSmart has tested more than a million people and found that the upper echelons of top performance are filled with people who are high in emotional intelligence (90% of top performers, to be exact). So, I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in order to keep themselves calm, content, and in control. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn’t careful.

While the list that follows isn’t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence and performance.

They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They Won’t Forget

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

They Won’t Die in the Fight

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.

They Won’t Prioritize Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

They Won’t Live in the Past

Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can’t do this when they’re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.

They Won’t Dwell on Problems

Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.

They Won’t Hang Around Negative People

Complainers are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix a problem. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

They Won’t Hold Grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event involved sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Learning to let go of a grudge will not only make you feel better now but can also improve your health.

They Won’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major challenge for most people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

Written by Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.

5 Personality Traits That Every Investor Looks For

Before committing to your company, investors will want to know that 

their money is in capable hands. These are the personality traits that they'll 

be looking for.

You can have the best business plan in the world at your back, but if you lack a personality that suggests a good investment, investors are not going to want to give you their money. There are certain personality traits that maximize your chance of getting the investor on board:

Responsibility

Someone who's not in a lot of debt, has good credit, and has at least a modest number of assets to his or her name is someone investors will want to partner with. Proven responsibility demonstrates that you are good at managing money and that their investment will be a successful one with someone so capable at the helm.

Attentiveness

Attention to detail, eye contact, and a strong handshake are all important when you're presenting your business to potential investors. Showing that you pay attention to even the tiniest little details will tell your investors that No. 1, you care about your business enough to remember even the small things for your meeting with them, and No. 2, that you will catch any large problems well before they have a chance to affect your business, effectively staving off a disaster.

Calculated Risk-Taking

Although risk-taking can sometimes be a characteristic of reckless behavior, it can also be a sign of great confidence. As the saying goes, with no risk comes no reward. If an individual has proven to be responsible, risk-taking can actually be seen as a good thing from a potential investor because it shows that the entrepreneur is not afraid of going into uncharted waters with a plan to bring in some extra return.

Realism

This is attractive to investors because it proves that you have faith in your product--and things to back up that faith. Going on faith alone is deadly to any good investment, as hope does not bring in profits; rather, good solid solutions to marketplace problems bring in profits. When you show investors that you have your feet on the ground and are firmly planted in what needs to be done to make a business work, you will have caught their attention--as too many small business owners rely on hope or head-in-the clouds fanciful ideas to keep their business running.

Tempered Confidence

This definitely goes hand in hand with realism, as you cannot have one without the other. Obviously, knowing how difficult a market can be is good for business because you know what to plan for, but being down on yourself and overworrying are only going to lead to failure in addition to giving off the vibe to investors that you are overwhelmed by your business, and therefore prone to mismanage it. On the other hand, overconfidence shows that you are simply cocky, and may have problems adapting when need be, which are signs of a personality trait that investors will want to avoid at all costs. At the end of the day, having just the appropriate level of confidence in yourself and your business will yield the best results for your investment meeting.

From Inc. Magazine